All of psychology
boils down to –
“Can you handle
Almost all your fuck ups are because you couldn’t/didn’t say or do the thing you could/should have at the time they were needed. My job is to bring you to that level of awareness that you are not afraid of expressing yourself in words or actions. My session with you may include alcohol, coffee, walks, strong language and everything else that might be needed to break through your conditioning. Do not come to me if you are not willing to bring about a change. A drastic one.
There is nothing called unconditional love. Let me be the one to break the news to you. There is absolutely no one in your life who loves you unconditionally. Not even your dog. Or rather let’s say there is no one you love unconditionally. Love after all is your thing, not their thing.
You aren’t here trying to figure out platonic love. It is the passionate, story book love, a broken heart, a face you can’t forget that has brought you to your knees and you don’t know how to deal with it. Well romanticism has fucked the way we love. Romanticism is a few hundred year old phenomena, which has wired us to look at the one we love in a light that no human being actually deserves. Then there is medicine which has accepted a “broken heart” as a medical condition. That pain which you feel in your chest is actually real. So what do we do? Well how about a jog? Yes! a jog. A jog can do you way better than anything else right now. Physical movement can alleviate many a broken hearts.
How can I help? I can help you identify if what you are feeling is love/infatuation/sexual deprivation/self worth issue/ any of the other things that sometimes take the guise of Love. In 43 years if there is one thing I have seen most shades of, is Love or it’s various avatars. It’s a beautiful mess.
There are things which are directly a result of your actions and then there are things which you have no control over. Anxiety usually stems from the desire to control the uncontrollable.
Anxiety is a habit. It’s like a skill which you sharpen overtime. It starts with our education system and if you start spiralling into the anxiety web, you keep getting better and eventually comes a time when you become so good at it that nothing passes you by without giving anxiety.
So what’s the way out? Well there are many ways you can unlearn the art of anxiousness. It starts with understanding the trigger points, to voluntarily let go of the attachment to the outcome. It is not going to be easy because old habits die hard. But more than words it’s the actions. I can’t help you with words, but can certainly expose you to habits you can replace anxiousness with. Be it a sport, yoga, music or something else depending upon the way of your life and personality. While I was doing my Yoga Teachers Training in Rishikesh, I devised a meditation called “KarmaDhyan”, It is a powerful concept of meditating while doing a physical act. It helped lot of my batch mates suffering from anxiety and gave me an interesting insight into the subject. Needless to say what you need depends upon the extent of your anxiousness. We shall get to that.
How you perceive yourself is the most important factor in determining the kind of life you currently have. Our perception of ourselves is often colored by our experiences, both good and bad. But it is based on past data. To let it determine our future would be a shame.
We have all gone through a lot of crap in our lives, for most of it, we blame ourselves. Irrespective of the image we present to the world, we are a very harsh judge of our own selves. Our image of self is reflected through various elements. Your friends, your addictions, the way you respond to challenging situations and even the partners we choose. You are the average of the company you keep. If you are satisfied with how your life is currently you have nothing to worry about. But if you are restless and know something is not right, it’s probably time to get a true evaluation of self and how to not let it shadow what you can be in future.
In the times of tinder, bumble, grinder, morality has many shades. There is nothing that challenges morality more than the matters of sex. Straight sex, gay sex, marital sex, sex with benefits, and so many other versions of it. What is the most private expression has the most public judgment.
Like everything else sex is both qualitative and quantitative. There is a lot of science behind the laws of attraction. But we are not here to discuss the science of it but more of the moralities of it. I am not a sexologist so will not be able to assist you with erectile dysfunction or STD counselling. But I can help you communicate your sexuality in a better and wholesome way with your partner or even with yourself.
A disclaimer, everything I know in this department is through women. I have been one of the few lucky Indian men who have had the opportunity to interact with women of various nationalities in an intimate way and the fact that they have been so kind and generous in telling me “what women want”, that it’s only fair that I spread the good word. As for what men want, well that’s a simple but long story.
How much is enough? It is an eternal question and may be a rhetorical one. For each one of us it has a different meaning and most of it is defined by how our parents and peers viewed money.
Money in itself is not a problem. The problem is the perception of it. To say I know everything there is to know about money would be ridiculous. What I do know is the journey from wanting it all, to having it all, to give it all up. It is common knowledge nowadays that you don’t need too many things to be happy. So certainly money isn’t about happiness. It has become a definition of us. It is time we look at money as an equal to health and mental peace. What do you want money to be? Means to an end or the definition of your life? Let’s find a balance.
Usually, confidence and knowledge go hand in hand. Once you are aware of your environment and know enough about it you are more confident.
What you don’t know is, expression of that comfort in the form of public speaking, interpersonal communications and so on, so the trick is to be informed and have the bravado to stand up to any situation with the faith that you do have the answers.
Generally people who lack confidence are the ones who are not sure about their appearance or communication skills. Both are manageable. Being in the communication industry I have come across lot of brilliant people who can’t shine because they never got exposed to testing environments. If you are a shit covered diamond I will certainly help you shine, if you are full of shit, I will guide you to the nearest toilet.
In some cases just words are not enough, but have you truly really opened yourself up to anyone? A lot of times opening your heart out to someone knowing that you will not be judged is medicine enough. By showing your real self, you also get a glimpse of yourself.
Unless clinical, most of the depression is a sense of loss. Loss of any kind, material or emotional. In life when we feel we have nothing to look forward to, we feel depressed. It could be in any department in life. What we don’t know is that depression is a great starting point for a new you. It is like a clean slate, on which you can start drawing a future.
When you lose something, which was important to you and you don’t feel you have the energy in you to imagine a life pursuing something again, because what are the chances that, that something will stick? Well let me tell you it won’t. Anything and everything that comes in your life in form of emotions, materials, people, come with a date of expiry, because you are not supposed to life in a defined state. That is not how universe works, and thank god for that! It would be utterly boring if nothing changed around us.
I can be that neutral mind and unbiased ear that you need to get working on that clean slate called depression.
All rights reserved, Rajiev Lal 2020.